It Wasn't All What I Thought...

There have been many times in my life where I've faced serious hardships and uncertainties.  One time that really stands out to me, not because it was worse then others, but because I had had been trying so hard to overcome my anger at someone and it turned out to be something else.

I was having a really bad time trying to raise my bipolar son on my own after my husband died, trying to be there for him, my daughter who has Aspergers, as well as dealing with my own health issues.  To say I was in over my head is an understatement.  I was hanging on to the Lord by a thread.  I had reached out to this particular someone numerous times concerning my son.  Each time I felt like a slap in my face.

When I would think of this person the emotions would rise up and literally make me sick to my stomach.  I couldn't figure out why I was getting so angry, as I'm a person who gets angry in a flash, then it's gone.  I wrestled with this and prayed and read the Word. Nothing, the feelings wouldn't subside.  Finally I shut up and listened to His still small voice.  It wasn't anger, it was un-forgiveness.  Once I was able to identify it I could pray and seek the Lord to help me through it.  This same person had once told me, that I would know when I've truly forgiven when the thought of the person or incident no longer causes negative thoughts or emotions to rise up in me. I Praise God for bringing this person in my life, for the lesson of how to forgive and learning how to know when I've truly forgiven.

With all I've been through in my life I've learned that on my own I can do nothing.  He has called me to help His hurting daughters, but I know the best I can do is come along side them.  Only through Him can any of us be healed.  He is the CEO of the business, it belongs to Him. I seek Him continually for the steps He desires me to take and to open the doors He has for me, and bring into my life who He desires.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips those He calls that He may be glorified."

- Lynn Chamberlin

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